I'm Back

hey,

I know it has been a while and I'm really sorry.....

Alot has happenned since and I have not been too humble or doing too well on my journey.... if anything, I think I totally lost the plot. You will see why in the next few posts.

But for now, lets do a bit of catching up....... since June....

June
I went off to Dar in pursuit of documentation or proof of my academic qualifications

July
I came back took leave and felt like crap for a bit. Then got back to work and gave it all I had. I threw myself in my work and tried to keep myself busy enough to feel nothing. Started and focused on a new project.

August
Tried to keep everything balanced  and applied for my visa and worried about transiton and worried about loose ends and worried and planned and then worried and planned some more.

September
Packing and goodbyes and travel. I'm so blessed to have so many amazing friends and a truly wonderful family who I miss so much it is actually a physical ache..... that keeps me up at night.

October
Back to school, shitty weather and terrible cravings and home sickness.

November
Didn't see it coming.... time flew by so fast and before you know it it is November and I'm back.

so... how do i find my way back..... help?

The Recovering Nice Guy(s) and I

I was listening to the radio this morning ......

Someone wrote and asked what happened to all the nice guys and Phat boy read a letter from 'A Recovering Nice Guy' and the answer was.........(drum roll) YOU did!!!!!

It got me thinking about all the nice guys I have had in my life and whether they are still nice guys or are recovering nice guys or are now rogues..... and what part I have/had to play in who they are now....

I would like to think that I was sensitive enough not to change them but I must admit I know a couple that I was not attracted to that I really really wished I was coz they were such nice guys!!!

The whole letter was about how girls overlook the nice guys in their lives all along saying they are not attracted to them or they are just not their type and fall in love with the rogues... with time, these really close friends (the nice guy and girl) draw apart and she (the girl) runs through a couple of rogues till she asks the fateful question that started all this.... the nice guy on the other hand realises that the girl he likes is attracted to rogues and starts to evolve.....

My sad questions for this blog post.....

How many girls out there know of a nice guy in their past.....

how many guys out there can associate with this.....

and what do we do about it? Especially for the next generation.....

how do we raise our sons to be nice guys and love girls that appreciate that in them and girls that are sensitive enough to appreciate the nice guy....

26 things to do before turning 26

I got the idea for this blog from a friend of mine here

1. Get my transcript
2. Start my masters
3. Get engaged
4. Be a better person
5. Revive my business
6. Save lots of money
7. Live a debt free life
8. Get closer to God
9. Surrender and submit to Christ
10. Do an HR course by correspondence
11. Chart out my psychology degree plan
12. Do something great and monumental
13. Launch and wind up our (BCL) file management systems
14. Start a school outreach program with the Bible Study girls
15. Be dearly missed
16. Stream line the industrial training policy and procedures at BCL
17. Work out an Internship policy and Launch it
18. Train someone to help with the databank at BCL before I leave
19. Buy another really nice suit
20. EXCERCISE and get REALLY FIT
21. Improve my spending habits
22. Commuicate more and better
23. LIVE!!!
24. Learn to take life one day at a time
25. Explore and improve my mind and heart
26. GROW UP!

Man...26 things are many and I got to be realistic seeing as my 26 is a few months away.

Academic Papers

How do you go about saying you are a graduate if you have no written documentation to prove it?

I graduated in december 2010 and the Vice chancellor said I was awarded a degree in his speech... called out my name with 40 other students, we stood up, the crowd clapped and that was it..... They say we were awarded degrees? Is that how a degree is awarded...

I studied really hard and by God's grace attained a 1st class Degree... not a simple task in my course at my university because the last 1st class before me (only one) was years before my time... Now, this did kinda give me a big head and made me really proud a fact of which I am not very proud... It changed me and my perception of myself in ways I never thought possible.. both positive... coz my self esteem needed the boost and so did my ambition and faith in my self  and negative.... the pride and big head aside.... I would dubt myself and feel like and idiot if i was asked a question and didnt know the answer... plus, sometimes I dont feel as smart as people percieve me to be... there is this constant need to continue and constantly prove myself... convince myself that I earned it and everything that comes with it...

2 years later, the university still hasnt issued transcripts! so I have no documentation of my degree... in some instances, I am no different than a non graduate. I'm blessed to work at a company where the MD attended my graduation so he knows I graduated and I also work at a university that was able to confirm my results informally.

Sadly, such is not the case with University of Reading where I have always dreamed of doing my masters....
I was declined last year because I had hope that my papers would be processed on time... this year I have pushed and prayed... got my application for last year forwarded to this year and pushed and prayed... I have a conditional offer and a place at one of the halls... I have accepted all this and paid the necessary deposits... all as a step of FAITH!!!!

Further still.... despite the far that I have come.... the University now understands and is aware of my situation... the VISA office however is not and will need my transcript to offer me a student visa.... so I'm in this place once again...

Sometimes I wonder whether the Lord is taking me through this to humble me...

Sometimes I'm filled with RAGE and think of all the ways I could bring down the university..... A post for another day

Sometimes I'm filled with so much peace I know God is in this...

Sometimes I wonder whether this is God's will for me or not...

Sometimes I try not to think of the possibility of this dream of mine not coming true...

Sometimes I feel all these feelings at once!!!!

I'm taking a step of faith.... Please join me in prayer this weekend and next week. I will go to Tanzania for a week and I will come back home WITH my transcript....

I cant thinkof ONE question for today..... I can think of many but I dont know if any of them is worth asking.....

True Freedom

Women's Rights, Moving Away From Home, Making Your Own Decisions and........Surrendering to CHRIST!

It is so easy to want to feel liberated, the independent woman, etc...but it's hard to take off that cap and say , ''Lord, I will be servant, I will consider the needs of others before mine, for as long as it brings glory to your name.''

I started this Post more than a week ago and now I cant remember what Iwanted to write about... all I had to go by was the paragraph above... I started to write about it yesterday but did not know where to start so I let it be... Today, I was thinking of deleting the post and writing about other things.... but as I read it, I added the title and the opening line.... so here we go....

I dont know whether I was the origin of the quote or whether I got it from somewhere else but it has got me thinking....

As a child, you are truly free....  of worry, of responsibility of all the things you think at the time are holding you back....

Then you grow up..... still you are free.... to make your own decisions, to do whatever you choose and please and in this day and time, to be whoever you choose and please...

But are you ever really really REALLY free.....

I think that is what salvation is.... TRUE FREEDOM....In Christ, You can be the child and enjoy the childlike freedom.....that is if you manage to allow yourself to do so.....this in itself could be viewed as loss of Freedom.....But in Christ, you also have the liberty of free will.....sadly, t does not come without consequences....

So......My question..... What is true Freedom?

I am such an Introvert!!!!

Always thought I was a bit of both..... but I guess not!

In this post I talked about the robot in me and kuyonza so kindly advised me to check out this link about personality types....

I always thought I was a bit of both an introvert and extrovert but with evidence from my posts (which I wrote before reading about the test) It is so clear that I am an introvert!!!

I know many people who know me who will really strongly object...

so let us see....

Introverted Characteristics

·         Think/reflect first, then Act.....I spend so much time planning and thinking... sometimes I do not act.... check here

·         Regularly require an amount of "private time" to recharge batteries .... so true.... check here

·         Motivated internally, mind is sometimes so active it is "closed" to outside world ....... read this

·         Prefer one-to-one communication and relationships...... implied here

Extraverted Characteristics

·         Act first, think/reflect later ...... I'd rather die.....

·         Feel deprived when cutoff from interaction with the outside world ...... I sometimes really really need and look forward even to being cut off from interaction with the outside world...

·         Usually open to and motivated by outside world of people and things ...... You really cant make me do something if I really do NOT want to do it!!!!

• Enjoy wide variety and change in people relationships ......HELL NO!!!! I like consistency and reliability... when something changes in a relationship it confuses me and takes me a while to adjust....

My question for this post.....

Do you sometimes find out things abot yourself that surprise you? Prior to this post, would you say I was an introvert or extrovert?

Alone Time

I have moments when I actually just want, sometimes, even need to be alone.... not lonely but alone.... or maybe with a particular person(s)

Its been that way for as long as I can remember....

I have always been surrounded by people... I come from a really big family(ies) and they like to stick together and enjoy each others company... I always had lots of friends and many more acquintances...... I have gone to public schools where community living is unavoidable..... and at both my workplaces.... yes both.... (refer to this post).... I have a very close family like evironment... everybody knows everybody and everybody is in everybody's business....

But I have moments when I like to be alone... Some me time or maybe me and somebody me chooses time... time to just determine my day and enjoy my own company... be whoever and whatever I want to be with no thoughts of impressions and judgements... to just go to my own little world and disappear and spend time with me... like going on a gateaway... but that would have to be with me and somebody me chooses....

I'm I selfish and anti-social...I'm I such a terrible person?

Pictures for my Blog.....

So my blog is kinda bland with no pictures and I've been thinking I should get some pictures in here....

I still havent forgiven myself for not taking a picture of the snail I wrote about in this blog.

And a friend of mine pointed out that I could have taken a pic of Mr Bean for this blog....

Does any body out there know how I can go about it? any advice from more experienced bloggers?

A Really Big Snail

This morning I saw a really big..... scrap that.... huge snail, and it got me thinking.....

I mean this thing was huge... really really big... I was on my way out of the house in the morning and saw it right there in the driveway... It had left a really long trail and had a really huge shell....

It got me thinking... how long had it taken that really big snail to make that really long trail carrying that really big shell?

How many people do we know today who are big shots but have worked and sweated and come a really long way, carrying a really big burden and have still managed to make it?

I still havent forgiven myself for not taking a pic of that snail.... what sucks is that I thought about it and even had my phone ...... but I had too many things in my hands and I was running late and keeping someone waiting.... so I have no proof of the really big snail with a really long trail carrying a really big shell.... hehehehe.... I'm enjoying this.

My question for this post is,

Would you rather be a small snail with a short trail and a small shell or a really big snail with a really long trail and a really big shell?????

read personality in place of snail, legacy in place of trail and experience in place of shell.....

I pray that I can be/have a really big personality with a really long.....and good legacy with a whole lot of experience..... but it is so much easier to be a small snail and stay in my comfort zone....

What would you rather be? Is it worth it?

Rule of 3

I read a really interesting blog post here and it got me thinking..... 

I tried out the rule of 3

Day one, I got only 1 and 1/2 of the 3 done.

Day two I got 2 and 1/3 done and was happy with my progress....

Day 3 I got none done!!!!! and I realised things are not always as easy as they seem....

Then I did not know what to do whether to try and finish the 3 for the day before.....as I had done for days 1 and 2.....or to just set the 3 for day 3 as the 3 for day 4.....

I really hope I'm making sense....

HELP!!!! How does this work?

Caring for Each Other

You learn something new everyday.....

I have been dating a while..... like a really long time.... I started early and I'm still in the game..... funny thing, most of my relationships were long and ALL of them were very meaningful and I'm still mutual friends... some even close friends with the other parties.

I am in love with a man who is teaching me to be a better me... not because he is imposing these lessons on me....we all know that would not work... check out this post.... things just have to be a certain way.... he just is motivating me to be a better version of myself.

Now, I wont let him take all the credit... GOD has the biggest part in all this... it just so happens that he is using him....

That said... my most recent and practicle lesson in my relationship.......

IT IS ALL ABOUT CARING FOR EACH OTHER....

If we focus on what the other person is not doing right to make you happy or how much effort you are putting in conrtary to the other person.... things might get a bit tight.... however, if you are both looking out for each others interests, then you are both covered.... if I take care of him and he takes care of me, we are both taking care of each other... So instead of focussing my energies on what he is doing right or wrong, I focus them on making sure he is fine and happy.....

At all times dedicating it all to God and trusting him to guide me....

Its a whole new perspective to submission......and I'm totally lovin it....

My Question for today...... Has it always been so obvious to everyone, I'm I the last to catch this train.... Or I'm I totally lost.... let  me know what you think.

The Robot In Me

I just found out I'm not as emotional or sentimental about certain things..... and the more I think about it, the more I wonder what to do about it.....

On the trip to fort portal I had a really long conversation with my eldest sister and the more I thought about it, the more I realised and confirmed that I can be quite robotic at times..... here are some of the reasons or things that made me think so in the ensuing days.....

1. In this post I talked about having so much to do in one day.... this was the genesis of my conversation with my sister.... I realised that I was doing things in order of how they needed to be done or the order in which they came into the picture. I was not prioritising based on how important each activity was but doing things in a particular order..... Like a robot that has been programmed in a certain way......
2. In fort portal, I had a lot of organising and coordinating to do..... things had to get done.... right? So I'm doing things in a way that makes the most sense to me in my head and a slight alteration or someone (read my crazy ass brother) trying to get it done his way just messes me up completely and frustrates me.... Like a computer given a demand a certain way unlike its programming and showing an ERROR!
3. At work.... I just keep going.... on and on and on..... If it needs to be done it needs to be done.... and if I dont do it, who will..... And then just like a car that has overheated.... I stop!
4. I cry at weddings but cant get myself to attend funerals of people I am/was not very close to .... and I mean really close... coz I just dont know what to feel say or do.... It makes me feel really strange and uncomfortable ........Like windows 2010 in an incompartible machine.
5. And many many times, things just have to make sense a certain way....... Like really, everybody knows 2 + 2 = 4...... and no one can convince me otherwise...... Like an adding machine.....

What makes all this quite scary is that I'm female.... would have made some sence if I was a guy.... ;-)

so..... my question..... WHAT DO I DO? IS IT AS BAD AS I THINK IT IS?

Its Not Easy to be WRONG

Have you ever been so sure of something only to discover you are wrong...... and then there is that akward pause.....

I was having lunch with collegues recently and a certain word came up that apparently existed in all the various native languages of the various tribes represented at the table. What was amazing though is that in each language it had a different meaning.

After everybody shares what the word means in their language save for a few that were of the same native tribe as myself, we laugh at all the various meanings... especially at the meaning in our language which we are yet to reveal and I of course take the honours of letting everybody know.... I was so sure and confident and one of my collegues kept guessing wrong and I laughed.... anyway eventually, he gives up guessing and cutting me short and I confidently reveal what I was so sure was the right interpretation.... Gosh, how wrong I was... one of my other native mates corrected me so instantly.... I felt so small and dumb...

Anyway, now I know the true meaning of pride comes before a fall....

Better to be silent and be though of as a fool than to speak and prove yourself a fool....

Anyway, I could go on and on with the sayings that came to my mind and it would still not describe the way I felt that day in that instant. Plus I love to know things and I hate to be wrong....

Any body out there who hates being wrong as much as me? Why do I hate it so much? Its not like I can be right all the time but it drives me crazy when I'm wrong....especially when I dont see it coming.

Forgeting My Journey....

I had a really long and busy weekend that turned out to be unexpected and fun.....and quite challenging...

Friday was a crazy busy and hectic day and yet it still managed to be fun thanks to my family... Plus I slept in a really cozy bed.... (if wishes were horses.....)

Anyway, Saturday was even busier and I really really forgot my journey... I got to a point and was doing things in my own strength and trying to take credit for things.... I can see it and sense it sometimes as its happenning but most of the time I dont know what to do about it or how to avoid it...

Sunday we came back home.... and I did not feel the same as when I had left... and not in a good way either... I feel I have lost my way on this journey and I dont know how to find my way back.....

How do I find my way back? It hasnt been the same since....

More Than I Can Chew

I had one really crazy day on Thursday..... too many things to do, too little time.... and too many things happening to frustrate me....

If you are following my blog you know I had an accident.... if you are not, find the story here.

That was Wednesday....

So, on Thursday, To do list as of in the morning,

• Get my car a.k.a Mr Bean fixed
• Wind up office work in anticipation of up country travel the following day
• Finalise preparations for upcountry travel.....
• Type and attend meeting where I am Secretary
• Go home early to shop and make a meal for my sister's bridal shower
• Attend and enjoy my sister's bridal shower....

How my day actually went.....

• I forgot my phone at home...
• the mechanic couldnt take the car that day and asked to take it the following day
• My office work was subbotaged by other members of the team so I could not finish my part.
• Too many things were happening at once and I did not get to do much .... at least not as planned...
• Literally forgot the meeting and was reminded by a collegue who was wondering what I was still doing in office yet I'd mentioned having a meeting.... so the minutes never got done and it was too late to put in my apologies even if I could.
• The chair of the meeting came late and I could not leave being Secretay by the time I was in the supermarket trying to get the food, the shower had started and they were serving
• I got home and felt so terrible and really mad at myself I hid in my room for a while
• I finally got the courage and common sense to come out and felt like an A** the whole time
• I did not enjoy my sister's shower and almost prevented others from doing so.
• It was not a very good day....
• My sisters were mad at me..... like really mad and did not talk to me for a long time... some still arent talking to me.
• I dont know what to do to make it all better...
• I realised...... I HAD BITTEN MORE THAN I COULD CHEW!!!!
• Plus, I had tried to chew everything and failed....
• And the little that I attempted to chew was not as important!

My question for the post..... Is it possible to know that it is more than you can chew before you bite or do you always have to bite first to realise you have bitten more than you can chew?

Hit and Run

Its late, I'm tired and I gotta get home......

On my way home, I'm waiting to cross a junction and next thing I know, a white double cabin Pick up drives past me and almost drives away with me....

I sit there in shock for a bit... I can't get out, (its not the safest part of town) and I simply drove home after realising that the pick up was no where in sight and I couldnt take the risk of any other option....

and thus began my down hill journey.... things just havent been the same since and I dont know how to express it.

Is it just me that misses being happy and everything being fine sometimes?

A thin line between Vanity and Confidence/Self Appreciation

I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day.....

As I was getting ready one of these ordinary mornings on my journey I saw myself in the bathroom mirror and I thought to myself......you are very beautiful..... now, I dont know if this was just me being vain because I felt a little guilty for thinking like that....

so where is the line between vanity and self appreciation and how do you know when you have crossed it?

Fighting Self Justification - Part 3

So I'm a terrible Communicator!

Its not something that i'm proud of but anyone who knows me long enough will tell you so....

I really do mean well and I will not love you anyless even if we go 3 years or more without speaking the moment i see or eventually get in touch with you or even just think about you it will be like the last time we met... I know a couple of people who think and feel the same as me and you should see how we pick up after however long we go without communication.

On the other hand, I have been blessed to know, love and be loved by very many effective communicators, people that keep in touch all the time..... that will call to let you know they have woken up or are just thinking about you or wondering whether you are thinking about them or just to tell you what they are upto or to ask you what you are upto and so on.... I love these people with all my heart and love to hear from them..... they make me feel really guilty though for my terrible communication.

Once in a while I will leave my phones somewhere or they will be in silent or something and my effective communicators will not be able to get to me and this upsets and frustrates them..... I try, but sometimes I fail.....

so, the big question....

should I try harder and change or should they be understanding of my weakness...... after all, no one is perfect......

let me know what you think.....

Fighting Self Justification - Part 2

So,  I have 2 jobs.....

I am a valuation surveyor at a private firm. I work ordinary hours and make up for whatever hours I miss out on... due to various other interests I have in the firm, I try to be super human..... I fail many times but I'd like to think I do my best when I do...

I am also an assistant lecturer at Makerere University, Uganda. I love to teach... but sometimes it takes so much of me.....

So, does that mean, that just because I have 2 jobs I have more money than I need?

Yes, I will not deny, the extra income comes in handy...... and sometimes I wonder what I would have done without it.....

Just because I have two jobs does not mean I have more money than I know what to do with.... It may simply mean I'm working too hard for peanuts..... hehehehe.... or I actually need the money because I have things to spend it on and one source of income wasnt covering it..... I mean if i had more than I knew what to do with, I'd sit back and think of ways to spend it... now who wouldnt want to do that????

Just because I have 2 jobs and you have one doesnt mean I have more money than you.... Your pay at your one job could be more or even double my pay at both jobs combined... I just have to work harder for it...

Just because I have 2 jobs doesnt mean I'm living a life of luxury, quite the contrary.....

On the other hand.......

There are people that have no jobs....

And I could change my spending habits.......

And I could try to do better than live within my means.....

I must say, sometimes I think the person that sang the song with the line, "the more money you have the more problems" must have known something the rest of us didnt.....

So, my final question to you......

Do you ever "ARRIVE"?

Fighting Self Justification - Part 1

I am 25 and still staying at home......

I am female and it is traditional african culture that a good girl stays with her parents till she is married.

Now, this is slowly changing and is not very common these days especially in urban areas due to various reasons that i will not go into but i'm sure many of us can imagine....

I, however, still stick in some ways to the traditional ways for some of the reasons below....

• I like the discipline it commands......though granted sometimes it drives me crazy
• It was not practical to find a place of my own since I studied away from home and was home once in a while.....sometimes for longer periods than I hoped...
• I can be traditional and conservative when it comes to certain things..... and quite the contrary when it comes to others... lol...
• Its a decision I can change any time but its not quite easy to change the reverse...... hehehe... kinda like loosing your virginity.... you can do it whenever you decide but you cant undo it once its done....
• I like the respect it commands.....and the admiration and support from not only my suitors but the elders that will always approve
• Plus, I save on rent and other costs that come with having a place of your own...which truthfully, right now I'm not ready to pay
• and so many other reasons I cant think to write now.... hehehe...gotta leave room for deniability... right? ;-)

So, having said that... Its been quite a challenge... all things considered...

Now, back to the point.... a question I would like you all to help me answer...

Where do you draw the line between being a child at home......which you really still are.....and being an adult......which you also are?

Lessons Learned - Day one.....

A few of the lessons I learnt on my first day in this journey.....

1. My God is a faithful God! My alarm did not go off but the Good Lord woke me up in good time.
2. Things do not always turn out as we plan or hope! I made many plans as I said my little prayer the night before...not too many of them are working out perfectly
• To wake up at 6 am everyday..... I woke up at 6.30am
• To be in bed (read asleep) by 10.00pm everyday..... still havent qiute made it but in the neighbourhood of 11
• To be at work by 7.15 am....... well, if waking up is an issue you can imagine wats up with getting to work....
• To officially close work at 6.00pm...... still not happening....
• To use my 7.15-6.00 effectively and strictly for BCL (read employer) work so that I can use the rest of my time for other things...... Too many things still happening concurrently... but I have faith I will get there.
• To work VERY VERY hard! ...... Trying but sometimes the lazziness and self excuses (read self justification) get the best of me.
• To cut down on my expenses and live on as little as possible so I can save more......New and unavoidable expenses keep coming up (read car issues and wedding contributions)
3. Start your day with a smile...... It makes ALL the difference....not just for me or you but for everyone around me...
4. Happiness is contagious and its a choice! I made a decision to be happy and nothing could change that..... not even myself
5. I have a serious problem of Self Justification.... I'm going to write a separate blog post on this one.... first big step in my journey to humulity
6. Things are not always as easy as they seem..... need I say more?\
7. God works in mysterious ways and is always giving us opportunities to share his word....We just have to let him use us.... I had an amazing conversation with my brother in law and it reminded me of how much I miss reading and sharing the Word of God... and how exciting it can be.... hehehe.... when you think of it as a movie and add a little ACTION!!!! hehehe... :-)

that is it for now.... more later... another day, many more challenges!

Is it just me or does this happen to everyone?

Day One

So..... Today marks the beginning of the rest of my life....

I woke up and said a little prayer... I prayed that God would teach me humulity among other things...

Wish me luck... will let you know later how it went.